“And umpire Darryl Harper raises one arm just like a dog finding a tree…”

As I write this New Zealand are 57/2 in the 16th over against South Africa in the first match of the tri-series cricket final in Australia. Yes, the final. Can this really be true? Or is it merely some cruel HG Wells-style hoax perpetrated by the The Twelfth Man and a short wave radio transmitter?

But no. After the indignities of the past ten years, I have, in the past three weeks, dared to hope. In fact, I’ve been given to falling on my knees with fists in the air and a cry of ‘YEEEESSSSS!!!!’ whilst in the company of Welsh ex-pats in Palmerston North. I have tuned in to the Internet at work. I have walked home from the pub at midnight with a spring in my step and a rosy glow in my cheeks. And now here we are.

Along the way I have learned to appreciate the ABC radio commentary team and their gobsmacked reactions to the sudden rise of the New Zealanders. Example – “CHRIS HARRIS! CHRIS HARRIS! THIS … AGING … BALDING … ARTISAN!!!

Eh?

Gems of this kind don’t come often, but there have been other pearls as well.

Take for example, Kerry O’Keefe’s determination to address the difficult topic of the batsmen’s music as they walk to the middle.

“Now … I’ve just noticed that … two of the Australian batsmen walk out to U2 songs! (silence) Well, frankly, I think they’re overrated. U2. I think they’re overrated”.

No response from Kerry’s fellow commentators.

“They’re overrated. What’s his name? Bon-O? Bono? That’s it, Bono. (pause) They’re overrated!”

They could have left it there, however the unfortunate obligation to say something, anything, struck Keith Stackpole.

“Well … what’s that one Ponting comes out to – The Mashed Potato? Do The Mashed Potato? What the hell’s that about ? It hasn’t even got any words! - it’s just ‘do the Mashed Potato, do the Mashed Potato!”

About this time something must’ve happened, but I was laughing too hard to notice.

All this cricket – on Sky – at the pub – in the middle of summer (a killer combination) has made it very hard to practise. Luckily, I have no idea where our drummer Geoff has been since about mid-December. He’s around, somewhere.

Myself, I have been doing some voices for an animation film by Mike Heynes called Legends of Kirkville. My character is called Nerd but he plays in a band and gets the girl so I don’t really mind.

- “Is your name Nerd Collins?”

- “No sir, my name is Fonzie Ramone”

We’ll be playing live to a back projection from the film at the Wellington City Gallery on March 6th and 7th.

I’m trying to read DeLillo’s Underworld because David our engineer has spent the past year writing about it. I’m kind of lazy and it’s driving me a bit crazy with the endless parade of characters. I made the unfortunate mistake of asking David ‘Does it pay off?’ He gave me a look not dissimilar to that of Steve Waugh watching New Zealand gift South Africa a bonus point in the qualifiers.

Am also reading Orwell’s essays which are hilarious – especially his 11 point instructions on how to make a cup of tea. Listening to Scott Walker’s Scott 4 and Tilt.

119/2 after 30 overs.

Fingers crossed, I’m off to the pub.

POSTED BY Mark ON 01 August 2002